Norman Rockwell or Reality?

If there is anything my foray into the first months of motherhood has taught me, it is that I need to set aside any fantasies I had about the Norman Rockwell moments of family life and ground myself in reality. This Thanksgiving, being my darling 5 month-old son's first major holiday, was sure to provide a multitude of photo-ops, with his typically smiling face beaming enthusiastically over the turkey. Ah, but how reality can get in the way...

The turkey took longer than I anticipated, and Carson's mood began to deteriorate as our dinner time began to coincide with his naptime. Suited up in his finest sweater-vest and plaid shirt his smiles became frowns and downright sobs before the turkey was even ready to come out of the oven. I'd dreamed of the adorable pictures of his first Thanksgiving and the glowing comments of friends and family, but in the end I shuffled him off to his room for a desperately needed nap. Dave and I enjoyed our delicious Thanksgiving meal listening to Carson's steady peaceful breathing through the speaker of the baby monitor.

Was I disappointed? Sure, a little bit. I'd really wanted those pictures of Carson's smiling face enjoying his Gerber Sweet Potatoes while Dave and I feasted on turkey and dressing. But sometimes you just have to let it go.

We all know someone who just can't bear to lose that Norman Rockwell moment. They will go to any lengths, desperate to catch that picture that screams "look how perfect it all was" and if they have to cajole, bribe, threaten, or ruin the entire day for everyone in order to take that picture they'll do it. Ironically, what you end up with is a lovely picture of what turned out to be a miserable day. It’s all a facade. I hope I never go to those lengths for those pictures.

I think this serves as a microcosm for what we expect of our lives in general and how we react when things don’t go as we’d hoped. Sometimes as parents - well, as people in general, but particularly as parents - we get an idealistic view of how things will go, especially during the holidays. We put our children in cute outfits and expect that our desires for the perfect holiday and equally perfect photographs will go beautifully, with all of our visions fulfilled and perfectly preserved on Kodak Paper. But how often does that really happen? And how do we react when our plans go awry?

We’ve got to learn to be flexible and set priorities appropriately – after all (to continue with the photo metaphor), what’s more important: the photo or the people in it? We have to learn to accept our circumstances, our friends, our family members and especially our children for who they are, where they are. When we embrace our lives, our family and friends as they are rather than rigidly adhering to a set of expectations, it frees us to enjoy things as they are rather than focusing on how we thought it would be. Even more significantly, when we bemoan our fallen expectations we fail to embrace – or perhaps even recognize - wonderful opportunities presented by circumstances as they are.

I missed my Thanksgiving photos of Carson, that’s true. But what I gained was a wonderful time and great conversation with my husband – conversation that doesn’t really happen when we are managing an infant at the table – and for that I am truly grateful. Isn’t that what Thanksgiving is all about? Perhaps it was a Norman Rockwell moment after all.