Goodness

I actually wrote this several years ago, but the opening paragraph was the inspiration for the name of this blog, so I thought I'd post it here.

As one travels along the path of life, delighting in, fighting through, enjoying and enduring those experiences, that combined, define a lifetime, there are those incidences that leave you a little “different” than you were before. Some are massive, life changing events – good and bad - that by definition change the entire course of your existence. Others are but a pebble or shiny stone that could be stepped over and missed entirely, but when picked up and examined are recognized as a rare jewel that can change your life.

I received one of those shiny stones on Christmas a few years ago in the form of a book called Grandmother’s Memories to Her Grandchild given to me by my Grandma Law. It is a treasure, to be sure, full of funny stories and recollections, some of which I’d never heard before and others I’d heard a hundred times, but of which I never tire. The book follows a basic question-answer format – questions posed by the author are followed by blank lines filled with my grandmother’s distinct handwriting. It is a glimpse into her life in a way I’d never really seen her, and it reveals the essence of who she is and what it is that has shaped her into the person I admire so. And this essence was perhaps most keenly expressed in her answer to one question:

That which I value most in life is:
My belief in God. The love of my family. I had the love of a good husband for 65 years. The years we had together blessed us with a daughter and husband, and a granddaughter and husband to be very proud of. What more could one ask of life?

I must admit that I’d read the book through several times, walking past this shimmering jewel without really pausing to appreciate its value. But then as I read it through for perhaps the third time, I attempted to answer this question for myself, and suddenly I found myself re-evaluating my whole life.

My grandmother is a good woman.

Good is a word we tend to use too easily and too often inappropriately, its impact diluted through misuse. Used to describe a plate of fried chicken, good implies passably tasty, but not great – good ain’t as good as better, and is a far cry from best. We use good to describe the girl whose made a mess of her life with two illegitimate children, and a drug problem but who wouldn’t dream doing anything really bad, like robbing a liquor store or killing someone. Suddenly we hear ourselves saying, “She’s got a lot of problems, but down deep she’s a good person.” Really? If she were such a "good" person, would she make the types of choices that lead to all of those problems?

The kind of good I am talking about implies character, integrity and a sense of moral decency. The kind of good I am talking about is the kind of good that does the right thing even when it isn’t the easy thing. The kind of good I am talking about is the kind of good I hope will describe me someday. And I never really thought about that until now.

I don’t believe one can simply aspire to goodness. Greatness perhaps, but not goodness. By definition, one might think that goodness is good, but greatness is better. I believe that the opposite may be true. I believe that Goodness is far more complicated and the two don’t necessarily go hand in hand. Greatness implies talent coupled with a deep dedication. A great musician, a great author, a great athlete. Goodness implies character and one can’t simply aspire to be of good character. Rather, it is the result of one's values, one's priorities and one's dedication to keeping their integrity in tact. I venture to say there are many who aspire to greatness who haven’t much goodness in them.

My grandma may not have had an extraordinary career, written a best-selling novel, made a lot of money or be world-renowned for a remarkable achievement. Perhaps by the world’s standards there isn’t much interesting about a Nebraska farm wife who worked hard all her life. But she is extraordinary. She is remarkable. She is a good woman.

Now really, what more could one ask of life?